misery, all over.

Salve! (Hello, in Italy).

Lots has happened since the last update. More or less, im still the same ashraf, yes. but the memories that has taken place, throughout the entire week, will live forever.
first, the trip to bangsar, yet again for me. which i rewarded myself bit of 'tattoo' and little grocery.

then, on wednesday, I received two bad news. first, about my granny. apparently, she has some accidents, a serious one, that my mom decided to come back to our hometown. second, the application for the scholar, has been rejected, just like that. my feeling, toward both incidents, are rather undefined.

next, the night of thursday,and friday, came the withdrawn plans. for both of the night. honestly, I wasnt really excited about both nights. but, cant help but feel bit sad about it. as for friday, well, it was good, that I can be high all over in Andalus. but in singlet, that's not really a sight to be seen, and to be shown.

saturday came, and it was quite a disaster. yea, the pillow fight was entertaining, and the Flowers are, too. but, at the end of it, lots of drama suddenly burst through. first with the pump station, next with the shitty cats. and frankly, after all those fun, and drama, I believe it IS time for me to take a time off. and realized that, I still have a granny to be prayed for, and my world to crawl back into. after all, at least, it won't hurt so much in that small, dreamy world of mine.

“We are inconsolable at being deceived by our enemies and betrayed by our friends, yet still we are often content to be thus served by ourselves.”, (François de la Rochefoucauld, French classical author, 1613-1680).

I guess, in a way, it relate so much to me. xo.

monster

upon talking about monster, one has to admit that, no matter how good you are, you still have a he-wolf/she-wolf, somewhere inside. and no matter how hard you try to keep it down, at times, it will rise, and cause lots of damages.

it brought us to another subject. damage. how hurtful can the simple word, 'damage' be? well, its very painful, if you asked me. to let ur trust goes on for someone, and been betrayed by that someone, all in the same time, ur expecting someone else who did that. and to think that he even have the guts, to not admit it. and lies about it. what a creepy monster. one that should have never been let out, or else he will wander, and broke people's heart and lives.

now then, there's heart. heart is, of course, the center of it all. AlFatihah is the heart of Quran. Heart is the nucleus in plants. but, in other context, heart is what we feel, what we perceived, what we are strongly attached to. but then. what if the heart gets burned, by all the previous hurtful stuffs? what happens, if people, with unreasonable mind, say all the terrible things in your face, and blame u for that? what happen if they go, and just simply invade your privacy, expecting you to believe whatever reason they gave u? what happens if a mother simply put other child as a priority, compared to others?

now, what will happen, if all this happen? what happens to the tiny little heart?

it sorta made me wonder. is the monster suppose to teach us lesson? is it the karma : what you give, is what you get back? of course, the monster in form of ourselves, is much more worst, indeed. but what if, it cames in others' body?

now, i know i may not be perfect, and lack in much more. but i really hope this monster realizes what they did to me, and how bad they have made me feel. sometimes people just have to accept, it is not always about the monsters that they are, but to find the bit of 'angels' in themselves.

OH!
a)Happy 20th Birthday to Badrul Muzammel. Have yourself a good 20, next year!
b)My result is out. Though something did bother my mind about it, but there are other things i wanted to be thankful for. Alhamdulillah, and a very thankful for everyone who has helped me, to this extent. Lecturers, friends, families.
;)

dear friends

Well, it may be waaaayyyy bit late, but I am wishing Ahmad 'Aqrabain, or Kobby Fierce, a Very HAPPY 20th B'day, on, well, last Sunday, 29th of December.

May you have all that you desired in life, (including the pilot interview + job), and May Allah blessed you, all the way. Keep the Fierce on, and Boys Aloud shall rise! ;)

And I hope you like that little surprise party we throw.(Sdey tade background music!)

As for Mel, always the fabulous one, well, in less than a day, you are flying off to Hong Kong. Have a great, safe, nice trip. Have fun, all the way, and don't forget to bring up some goodies! I'll be waiting for that.

As for the rest of the friends, rumours has it, the result will be out, on 10th, or 13th. Either way, I am wishing the VERY BEST of luck for all.

;)

long holiday.

.with Emynor. at Jusco. sigh. but the tree's from wasted botlle. kinda cool. ;)

.Fikri.

. Invitation to, Castle.
hola! been long, since last updated.
hm.
well, it has been solid three weeks now, and it's December, which means holiday.

And it has already been 18 days of holiday, and I am doing totally nothing. Not that I wanted to be a lazybump, its just, that was my plan. to have a GREAT holiday, cooped up in room, and savoring the holiday with movies, Gossip Girl rerun, besides hanging out.

And I've done that, and its getting pretty bored already. Well, I did go out. Duh, one can see through the pictures. But, it is just not the same anymore. Mel's working, and Fikri's studying and focusing on his other friends. Hm. Surely, it has all been different now.

I missed my old life. My 2007 life. Free. Can't care less. Bitchy when I wanted to, Nice when I decided to. Haih. I had always wondered, what will it be like, had I not left for Malacca? I took the road, and I've lost so much along the way. :(

Well, no need to get all moody up, aite? The holidays are still long enough.

sick and tired.

of people ruining other people's lives.
of people talking back.
of people pretending to be all nice, all in the same time, macam haram.
of having to consume all your wants, for the sake of others.
of people being humble, all the while does not even mean it.
of people doing mistakes, and do not dare to apologize.
of myself, because i've turned into most of this.

of being in a place that taught all this.

3.

Britney spears, three? nah. 3 more papers to go, then, buhbye Malacca, for now. Currently, the clock show 6.45 pm, and its 3 November, and I still have 3 more papers to go through. hey! it's a deep 'kebetulan'. haha.

well, i CANT wait to finish all this up, and escape from the plasticness of people. okay, im no good, as i did have my plasticity, but try to remains as true as possible. ugh. fuck them. when it comes to study, "jomlah, datang bilik aku, study. and bawak past year papers" but when it comes to going out and have fun, "um, kitorang tade malam esok", "bestnyee pegi hari tu, lepak2 dalam khemah". double fuck.

and as my facebook status said, 'people using people, people not strong enough to resist", bla bla. hm. i dont know. that is why, i just felt sick and want so much for the holiday to come, where i dont have to face all this kids-like people.

and for those said, "kene pondan and macam ko baru boleh dapat dl lah. mane ade orang laki dapat dl". ugh. triple fuck! then, why on the first place you EVEN applied for Masscom? !

okay, acap! enough whining. haha. i've currently finished up my second papers. next is on Sunday, followed by wednesday, and next sunday. then, the bus will be picking me up at 3, then so long, Malacca, and hello, KL!

let the days come early!
;)

time flies by, and now, its another 'end'.

I just read Mel's blogs, and I realized, I've missed out SOO much. The Raya reunion, the Prty, and almost like, everything. And I missed everything about KL.

Here, everything is just about assignment, and dramas within it, and the tensions surrounding it. and the Tests. Now, its over though as Thursday, 10.25pm marks as the day where all the assignments have been done, and the test is done, too.

Now, to wait for the real Final Exam. Starting this upcoming 28hb, till 15haribulan sebelas. Cepat2 lah time flies.

Hm. Its been a loooong time, since I last updated this blog of mine, that I dont even know what to talk about. I lost my earfones, membuuat assignment groupworks ('so called') sorang2. and presentations yang amat banyak. but for the Publishing which we interviwed Pesona Pengantin @ KarangKraf, we got 'The Presentation of The Day'.

Hm. Nothing much to wite. Mel, I MISSSEDDD U LIKE HELL. KL, I KNOW UR MISSSING ME, TOO. and FAMILY, I LOVEEEE U GUYS!

and everyone.
WISH ME THE BESSSSSSTTTT OF LUCK IN THE FINAL PAPERS!

AND TO EVERYONE ELSE YANG AKAN AMIK PAPERS, WELL, THE VERY BEST OF LUCK! dO YA BEST!

*im ashraf, and im out!*