misfortunes all over

;[
it all happens so fast. one minutes, i was happily checking all trhe animals, the next thing i knew, the car got wreck. just like that.

and apparently, its not the only thing i have to face, throughout the semester's break. first, the kantoi. next, the scholar rejection. not forgetting, granny's not well. mom's car get wrecked. and now, this? seriously, i thought i had gained my strength. i am looking for better days. am looking for a little, celebration, in fact. but, the accident? well, it changes everything. i am now wearing clothes that already felt itchy since i cant go back home, since mom doesnt allow me to. and becoming real uncomfy at others' houses. and have to get ready and packing my stuffs for next sem begiinoing, hell, in monday.

i know, people may thing i bragged. but seriously, im not. i wonder, how does a stright a's (well, not straight, but doing good and keeping up) student, get stuck with all these? is this the price that i have to pay for the success? or is this is some kind of payback for my sin? as Muslim, yes, i believe in Qada' and Qadar. but at times, things just seems so much, SO much so that dead, seems like the best solution. maybe it is. hell. i dont know.

in less than two days, we'll be in 2010. it was suppose to be a new year, a new resolution, a new beginning. frest start. but, im still caught in yesterdays' issues. am still caught in same emotions. my wish? well, as for things to turn out if not better, well, slightly okayed, than all this.

'tis the season to be jolly

.books that REALLY served well.

.Santa, and Snowman.

.This Little reindeer, is my personal touch.

well, its two days before Christmas. not that I celebrated it, but all the excitement, the reds, the whites, the Santa, the snow (obviously, this is the best part about christmas. sadly, there's none here. sigh), the warmth feel, and the fact that its Christmas itself. this all equal to one thing, JOY.

I believed, I had gone through my dark moments, if not just a while ago. but, thanks to Mitch Albom's Five People You Meet In Heaven, I cheered up, if not much. I know now, that everyone's connected, and not one person should feel that they're meaningless. And that everyone's path crossed, and that sometimes, in order for one to live a life, others has given theirs, instead. In a way, that little book has brought me back my confidence.

And the fact that I am now Fully-Licensed. Hah! That's also help.

And that it is CHRISTMAS! forgive and forget, one might say. As for me, I am happy, just to have the holiday. though, the sight of Santa wouldn't hurt.

misery, all over.

Salve! (Hello, in Italy).

Lots has happened since the last update. More or less, im still the same ashraf, yes. but the memories that has taken place, throughout the entire week, will live forever.
first, the trip to bangsar, yet again for me. which i rewarded myself bit of 'tattoo' and little grocery.

then, on wednesday, I received two bad news. first, about my granny. apparently, she has some accidents, a serious one, that my mom decided to come back to our hometown. second, the application for the scholar, has been rejected, just like that. my feeling, toward both incidents, are rather undefined.

next, the night of thursday,and friday, came the withdrawn plans. for both of the night. honestly, I wasnt really excited about both nights. but, cant help but feel bit sad about it. as for friday, well, it was good, that I can be high all over in Andalus. but in singlet, that's not really a sight to be seen, and to be shown.

saturday came, and it was quite a disaster. yea, the pillow fight was entertaining, and the Flowers are, too. but, at the end of it, lots of drama suddenly burst through. first with the pump station, next with the shitty cats. and frankly, after all those fun, and drama, I believe it IS time for me to take a time off. and realized that, I still have a granny to be prayed for, and my world to crawl back into. after all, at least, it won't hurt so much in that small, dreamy world of mine.

“We are inconsolable at being deceived by our enemies and betrayed by our friends, yet still we are often content to be thus served by ourselves.”, (François de la Rochefoucauld, French classical author, 1613-1680).

I guess, in a way, it relate so much to me. xo.

monster

upon talking about monster, one has to admit that, no matter how good you are, you still have a he-wolf/she-wolf, somewhere inside. and no matter how hard you try to keep it down, at times, it will rise, and cause lots of damages.

it brought us to another subject. damage. how hurtful can the simple word, 'damage' be? well, its very painful, if you asked me. to let ur trust goes on for someone, and been betrayed by that someone, all in the same time, ur expecting someone else who did that. and to think that he even have the guts, to not admit it. and lies about it. what a creepy monster. one that should have never been let out, or else he will wander, and broke people's heart and lives.

now then, there's heart. heart is, of course, the center of it all. AlFatihah is the heart of Quran. Heart is the nucleus in plants. but, in other context, heart is what we feel, what we perceived, what we are strongly attached to. but then. what if the heart gets burned, by all the previous hurtful stuffs? what happens, if people, with unreasonable mind, say all the terrible things in your face, and blame u for that? what happen if they go, and just simply invade your privacy, expecting you to believe whatever reason they gave u? what happens if a mother simply put other child as a priority, compared to others?

now, what will happen, if all this happen? what happens to the tiny little heart?

it sorta made me wonder. is the monster suppose to teach us lesson? is it the karma : what you give, is what you get back? of course, the monster in form of ourselves, is much more worst, indeed. but what if, it cames in others' body?

now, i know i may not be perfect, and lack in much more. but i really hope this monster realizes what they did to me, and how bad they have made me feel. sometimes people just have to accept, it is not always about the monsters that they are, but to find the bit of 'angels' in themselves.

OH!
a)Happy 20th Birthday to Badrul Muzammel. Have yourself a good 20, next year!
b)My result is out. Though something did bother my mind about it, but there are other things i wanted to be thankful for. Alhamdulillah, and a very thankful for everyone who has helped me, to this extent. Lecturers, friends, families.
;)

dear friends

Well, it may be waaaayyyy bit late, but I am wishing Ahmad 'Aqrabain, or Kobby Fierce, a Very HAPPY 20th B'day, on, well, last Sunday, 29th of December.

May you have all that you desired in life, (including the pilot interview + job), and May Allah blessed you, all the way. Keep the Fierce on, and Boys Aloud shall rise! ;)

And I hope you like that little surprise party we throw.(Sdey tade background music!)

As for Mel, always the fabulous one, well, in less than a day, you are flying off to Hong Kong. Have a great, safe, nice trip. Have fun, all the way, and don't forget to bring up some goodies! I'll be waiting for that.

As for the rest of the friends, rumours has it, the result will be out, on 10th, or 13th. Either way, I am wishing the VERY BEST of luck for all.

;)

long holiday.

.with Emynor. at Jusco. sigh. but the tree's from wasted botlle. kinda cool. ;)

.Fikri.

. Invitation to, Castle.
hola! been long, since last updated.
hm.
well, it has been solid three weeks now, and it's December, which means holiday.

And it has already been 18 days of holiday, and I am doing totally nothing. Not that I wanted to be a lazybump, its just, that was my plan. to have a GREAT holiday, cooped up in room, and savoring the holiday with movies, Gossip Girl rerun, besides hanging out.

And I've done that, and its getting pretty bored already. Well, I did go out. Duh, one can see through the pictures. But, it is just not the same anymore. Mel's working, and Fikri's studying and focusing on his other friends. Hm. Surely, it has all been different now.

I missed my old life. My 2007 life. Free. Can't care less. Bitchy when I wanted to, Nice when I decided to. Haih. I had always wondered, what will it be like, had I not left for Malacca? I took the road, and I've lost so much along the way. :(

Well, no need to get all moody up, aite? The holidays are still long enough.